Blog

You can’t handle the truth!

February 21st, 2012

Don’t worry.  I’ve not turned into Jack Nicholson in “A few good men”.  To be honest, if I was to turn into any Jack Nicholson it would be Jack Nicholson in “One flew over the cuckoo’s nest”.  Of course I’d prefer to be Helen Mirren in REDS but it seems Jack Nicholson is my only option.
You may be wondering why I’ve called you all here tonight.  To be honest,  it’s just a way of collating information so that I don’t annoy you all by tweeting or facebooking random self promotion.  I know people get annoyed by that.   But if …

If you want to see me in the flesh. Not in a creepy way – updated!

January 10th, 2012

Hello
I don’t want to clog up your Facebook/twitter feeds with random updates about what I’m doing when there are funny videos of cats to watch, but some people have asked where they can see me perform live.  So here are some dates if you, or anyone you know, fancies coming to see me in the flesh. So to speak.
General comedy fun

I MC a lot at the Stand Comedy Clubs in Glasgow, Edinburgh and Newcastle.  If you check their listings I pop up once a month or so.
I also gig around the country – I tend to tweet about gigs …

All I want for Christmas – are the same rights as you.

December 14th, 2011

I’m not one to make a fuss about things.
Actually. That’s a lie. And as President Nixon always told me when we were sailing in New England, never start a blog with a lie.
To be honest I have been known to make a fuss about SOME things, about CERTAIN things, about IMPORTANT things that make me nervous.  Let me explain.  If you’ve ever watched the classic TV series “Lost in Space” or the 1998 remake starring Matt Le Blanc (less successful but still a good sci fi romp) you’ll know that there was a robot in it.  To be specific, according …

Mock the Week and other matters of State

October 12th, 2011

WARNING.  THIS BLOG CONTAINS BAD LANGUAGE, MILD FEMINISM AND REFERENCE TO SCOTTISH PEOPLE.
The women in comedy argument has recently reared it’s permed head again with regard to the diversity, or otherwise, on television with Mock the Week being singled out for criticism. To be honest the most annoying thing about the debate this time is that absolutely no one has asked my opinion on it.  Seriously.  I live for these arguments.  I do nothing all day apart from watch hospital based soap operas, or documentaries about the police or customs officials in New Zealand.  If people don’t ask me about …

Decisions, Decisions

September 28th, 2011

First of all, hello.  I don’t know who you are, although we may have met at some point. Or perhaps we are simply internet friends. Or perhaps you have found this blog due to the careful placing of words like “sexy girls in your area” and “money for nothing” and “cash for gold”.  If it’s the latter you should perhaps leave now.  This isn’t the blog you’re looking for.
I should say I don’t blog often.  Sorry, I should correct myself.  I don’t publish blogs often.  I write a lot of blogs but often delete them for fear that I may …

How was your Edinburgh?

August 28th, 2011

I’m sitting in the spare room of my friend’s flat in Leith pondering the end of the festival.  The very fact that I’m doing this is one of the loveliest parts of what can be a difficult month.  Louise and Niall took me in like the waif that I am when I had no where else to stay. And it’s quite an ask.  For those who don’t know, comedians during the festival can react like trapped badgers at the slightest startle, leading to flatshares which can be akin to the vortex at the end of the Adventure Game. But with …

It’s like Top Trumps! With comedians

July 28th, 2011

You know the song “Bette Davis eyes”?  No?  How old are you?  You aren’t my demographic.  Seriously.  Have you heard of the Indigo Girls?  Never mind.
Anyway the song Bette Davis eyes is amazing but more importantly has a chorus about having Bette Davis eyes.  Not her eyes specifically but eyes that look like her eyes.  The reason I mention it is a) to weed out readers and b) because this time next week the Edinburgh Festival will have started.  It is during the magical month of August that I will encounter hundreds of fellow comics who will have “Edinburgh Festival …

The Edinburgh Festival 2011. Explanations and recommendations

June 22nd, 2011

A guide by Susan Calman

Hello!  Nice to meet you.  Well, not meet you. I may not know who you are.  But let’s face it in cyberspace it’s as close to marriage as damn it to read someone’s blog.
Anyway, this piece of hastily written prose is all about the Edinburgh Festival and contains handy hints and suggestions to make your enjoyment of the edinburgh festival increase tenfold!  Please be aware though that if your enjoyment doesn’t increase tenfold it’s not my fault.  It’s yours.  You probably didn’t drink enough.
What are my qualifications for such a bold statement you …

Funny Women.

April 20th, 2011

I’ve taken time out of my busy day to write this blog because I felt compelled to.  And to be fair I couldn’t think of any jokes, and in my experience if you can’t think of jokes you should do something else.  Like drink.  Then everything gets funny.
So this is about Funny Women. Which is, if you don’t know, a competition for newish female stand ups. My twitter followers already know how I feel about the current debacle but I wanted to write down my thoughts in a clear and reasoned fashion so I couldn’t be accused of being bitchy …

An open letter to the world

March 21st, 2011

Dear world
 
How are you? Seriously. I’m so sorry it’s been a while since we’ve talked.  I mean really talked.  Not that superficial 140 characters or less twitter nonsense, but a full, honest and frank conversation about how things are going. So how is everything? To be fair, I have a bit of an idea. I know you think I just sit in a self obsessed bubble of comedy self loathing but I do read the papers. Except the Daily Mail.  I keep that in case the cats need to vomit on something.  So I know that things aren’t very good.  …